Godulike

now

to these special interest nuts. Spiders are our friends

Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation's Growing Spider Menace

WASHINGTON, DC—Following the tragic falling death of 32-year-old methamphetamine addict Phillip Diggs, who was reportedly attacked by spiders while scaling a large construction crane near Palo Alto, CA, thousands of outraged and confused meth addicts marched frenetically on Washington as part of a week of activities urging the federal government to address the nation's growing spider epidemic.

Harlowe pleads with senators to ask the King of America to do something about "all the goddamned spiders."

"Something needs to be done and it needs to be done soon—these spiders are everywhere," said Rich Harlowe, event organizer and founder of Tweakers' Rights

A 45,000-word proposal was drafted by members of TRN during a marathon, 72-hour meeting under the Roosevelt Bridge, and presented twice to the Senate Indian Affairs Committee. The document, which includes schematics for the development of a giant "spider bomb" the size of Rhode Island, concludes repeatedly that the problem would best be combated with large quantities of methamphetamines and steel wool.

TRN activists claimed that they called for federal assistance only as a last resort, after months of trying to contain the problem with diplomacy, force, cathode rays, and methamphetamines....Mitchell urged senators to form an anti-spider task force, but cautioned that the creatures' ability to appear and disappear at will would rule out a bleach-related "quick fix" solution to the infestation.

Though most committee members had left the hearings before Harlowe's closing remarks at 3:30 a.m. Wednesday, some indicated a willingness to investigate the addicts' claims more closely.

"I believe it is our duty and responsibility to act before we lose even more Americans of voting age," said Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D–CA), who noted that her home state had more meth addicts than any other in the country. "Pollsters tell us that one in five voters is, has been, or will be a meth addict at some point in their lifetimes. That's a voting bloc too big for us to ignore."
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Reality is like a face reflected in a knifeblade; its properties depend on the angle we view it from

seattlegal · Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2023 2:54 pm Post subject:

The solution is simple. Whenever a Tweaker feels an eminent attack of spiders coming on, administer a swift blow to the head with your Zen stick. The resulting little birdies flying around the Tweaker's head will keep all the spiders at bay.
Now where's my Zen stick?
...oh, that's right, I locked it up with my political castration knife. However, this'll work, as well.

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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
-Carl Gustav Jung